Wouldn’t you agree getting a little pat on the back can have an impact? Despite size or expectation, one little positive gesture can stimulate a day. Recently, I received a message. It came as a Facebook post and I must say, it had a very, very nice impact. It was from a fraternity brother. A message within a Sunday chain of events that made me smile…and it was much more than that. It had an impact. It had an impact on my day, on my outlook, on how I looked at what I do, what I write and how also my writing has a responsibility. Just a note did all of that. In fact, I wanted to take my time to scribe a response in an effort to show respect for the message and regarding the inferred intention of the sender. Too clinical? Yeah, I wanted him to know I thought about what he said and that it mattered.
When was the last time you gave something like that to someone in your life, on your team? Whether they needed it or not, just a little “pat”? As managers and leaders, we forget the importance of doing this because…we have been told or instructed on the merits or need to improve others. To correct them and to share what they need to do to be ‘better’ at whatever? We like to fix people. And yet the most enlightening or most influential thing we can do in almost every occasion is to share what they are doing well. Even the smallest of gestures can lead to monumental appreciation or validation.
“Hey Skippy, I noticed this and you need to try something else instead. Don’t do so much of that and pay attention to not doing that in the future.” Negative feedback with negative ideas…”thanks boss”. Sound familiar. We get inundated with this type of message. So much so it becomes noise or just one more bit of interference in our daily goal of doing at least one thing right today. And when it happens too much, we begin shutting out any type of feedback. This is the wrong pattern, especially as managers and leaders. Does our team shut us out? If they do, factor the amount of negative feedback and ideas we give and strive to make a change. What would happen if you “tweeked” your output to the positive side? You know, all your team hears is positive feedback and ideas. What they are doing right. Do you need to hear what research says? Seriously?
What to do? Simple…
As John C. Maxwell shares, find your ‘firelighters’ (people who have lit a fire in us or maintained and fueled the fire within us). Not just find them, let them know they have done so. Let someone know they have impacted our day, week, year and life. Keep good going.
Also, always look for the good in others. Seek in them what they do well and celebrate their gifts, their talents and even in the unlikeliest of places, let them know they did something right.
Do not make this unbelievably complicated or you won’t do it! I promise you. All it takes it something little. It does have to have a little structure. At a minimum, it should have…
A thanks (or gesture of appreciation)
A what exactly (the behavior)
An impact (even something small)
i.e. “Hey Kurt, I appreciate what you have been writing during your cancer journey. It has been inspirational and hope you continue to do well.”
I don’t care what our worldly “all about me” culture may stress, people need to know they have a place. Everyone. They may have just heard they have cancer or lost a father…you know their best friend, or maybe they just have had a very bad day. Maybe they have had a great day this is their icing on the cake. You don’t know and that shouldn’t stop you. What should stimulate you is you have let them hear that in the overall scale and scope of life, someone said “dude, you matter.” So on any given Sunday, you can share one little thing…just one. And they smile. Worth it?
Cheers