Hello again. What do I sound like right now? This may be a trick question. Am I happy? I want to rant just a little bit before we get started. Studies, and by studies this means research and books I have been recently reading from Malcolm Gladwell, the Heath Brothers and all types of articles that we (globally and collectively) are losing our ability to communicate. To be fair, this is what I am gleaning from their words. By our ability to communicate, I speak directly to the generation coming into the workplace. These Nexter’s or Millenials or GenY’s (depends on who you read) are communicating primarily by email and texting. Therefore we in other generations are conforming to the ever present and ever expanding reality of the efficiency of communication. Tone and inflection is lost. Communication is not lost per se; it has only been replaced with the convenience of communication. It is radically changing when placed into a context of how we communicated, say in the past ten years, maybe twenty years. How about the past thirty or forty years? Can you say rotary phone? The speed at which we are able to send information is only shadowed by the range and scale our communication can go. But this is only words.
Our first part of the series looked at the Verbal aspect of communication – the words we use. There are three tenets in communication; Verbal, Vocal and Visual. This blog looks at Vocal. In a word (no pun intended), this is about how a word sounds in relation to a message. But to rant for just a Nano-second, with all this efficiency, are we any closer to the intent behind the words we use? Do you see where I might be going?
Ever had a bad day? How does that sound to someone else? If you are having a “crappy” day, trust me I can hear it. Even if it is not evident to you and the words are not obvious, you are communicating “crappy”. Look at it this way. I could be saying “Hi, how you doing?” and not really either paying attention to your answer or even really care about your answer. It might be that I have been instructed to say something like that. “Oh, yeah your dog died. What can I help you with today?”
To bring up an old and trusted phrase, it’s not what you said, it is how you said it. Tone matters, right? Tone, inflection and modulation (if you will) tend to send different messages than the actual word you use. Take the word “dude”. I challenge you to say it with different intention behind your delivery. Say the word as if you might be scared, surprised, mad, ecstatic and disappointed. Different meaning each time? Yeah, but it is the same word.
What exactly do you sound like? I don’t care about the words. Well, actually, I do care, but not right now. Are you happy, tired, creative, ambivalent, apathetic, excited or bored out of your gourd? Cuz I can tell.
Retail relevance time. Remember our introduction, we have Emily and Todd back for the next post. Emily did not have her coffee yet and Todd is staring her in the face at 12:35 p.m. She is working with someone who grates on her just a tad. Oh yeah, she has to replace her flat tire at some point in the next millennia. Todd is exhausted because the little one with the big blue eyes and blonde hair kept waking him up all morning long. How is that parking situation out there captain? They meet. We spoke about filter, context and then verbal. What might the communication sound like, despite any choice of words? The common ground will be that both are tired and probably would rather be somewhere else. True enough? So now what?
Ok so do this, while it would be unrealistic to say “be happier”, or maybe “don’t sound ticked off”, I will suggest that authenticity is the ability to be ticked off and still realize the person I am speaking with matters. In retail, if you are the customer, I would rather you say you are having a crappy day and the kids are driving you nuts – then I know what to do and how to act accordingly as a sales rep. If you are the sales rep, be very careful – you do not have the same leeway. You cannot blithely say, “Yeah, chuck is sucking my will to live. What brings you in today?” Authenticity for you is just a bit different. The client, regardless of state of mind, is still the client and a guest into your culture. And do not forget, they want something you have and someone who pays you wants you to sell it now. Does that mean you cannot be authentically tired? No, you just have to very professional about it. One example (just one): “Thank you for coming in. May I ask a favor of you? It has been really hectic. Would you be OK with having a seat right here so I can focus on what is bringing you in today?” There will be someone out there who probably say “What, that is OUTRAGEOUS!” Really, relax coach. People will always understand real-ness.
The message here is tone. Or is it? Is it being real about what is behind your words? Owning them. Maybe tone is just an authenticity thing. By the way, I am happy. Cheers.