“It is your attitude.” “Huh, this is my happy face.”
Our last post looked at the visual aspect of communication and how problematic body language can be. I am keeping the challenge going with this post. Attitude versus behavior. “You have a bad attitude.” Ever heard that one before?
When I started this series. I wanted to explore communication. The easy part was looking at the first three elements; verbal, vocal and visual. I felt these would the most engaging or at least the most common pieces of the puzzle. Now I look at the less obvious places (this is what I do most in my business, the asymmetrical aspect of a topic). I was driving to my friend, the chiropractor to be adjusted (I have to giggle very time I hear that). So I am driving and I am laughing at the fact my daughter Sarah absolutely cracks me up. To be fair, both daughters crack me up. Grace is older beyond her years. Sarah is the whirling dervish in the family. How can two incredibly similar beautiful daughters be so absolutely different than both my wife and I? Blam. So this is the rub this time; how can attitude account for a perception within communication? I am freaking you out right now, fine let’s slow down – it is the caffeine.
You have three or four employees and they all know your expectations and yet they all are so different. One is happy-gal, two are polar opposites in the area of knowing customer service and one is hot and cold each and every day. They put cash in the register, but you are constantly trying to figure out how to deal with the one and other. God bless you; it will never get easy. Here is the obvious fact, we are all different and all have different decision making influences and triggers (Ahh, can you say filter, again?) Also the context (another word to come back) changes constantly and our knowledge has to move and flex and adapt to whatever we may be feeling or experiencing at that moment. But I see you, I hear you and I think you have a bad attitude. Really? Really?
This blog is speaking to the nature of perceptions perhaps more than the tactical approach to communication in retail. I have found we think we are all smarter than we actually are. “He or she just doesn’t get it.” “Nope, you just don’t get them.” Hint; they don’t get you either. Why? Most analysis on this issue is based on a perception. A perception of attitude. Good luck and I wish you well in the land of “beating your head against the wall.”
Here is where retail factors in all of this. I am manager. Start there. I have to get three or five or ten people to execute a series of events. Each has their own filter and decision making machine. You are tasked with getting them to do “x”. Stop factoring winning or losing on attitude and begin looking at behavior. Define your management and leadership on what they are doing behaviorally, not what they are doing attitudinally (is that a word?). “You are not happy enough.” “Yes, I am.” “No, you are not.” Yes, I am” and so on… How about this, “You did not do ‘x’ to expectation and I need you to do that each and every time with every customer.”?
You may ask, what is the difference? H-u-g-e. One is based on the series of effort much like Ping-Pong, to analyze an opinion of emotion while the other focuses on the “what you did or did not do” regarding this specific thing I expect. Not a feeling, not an emotion, but rather a definable (measurable?) behavior. As owner or manager, I need this to happen. Let’s be real, we want that and we want happy. But some people aren’t happy every day. Some people struggle to get out of the bed. Even the brightest, most engaging people have a dark hole they are dealing with. And the reality is you may never be able to communicate to that with them. It is their issue, their reality – not yours. I wish that everyone’s attitude could marry with the tasks they must perform to get a paycheck. Life is not that easy. Attitude involves happiness, complication, hurt, exhilaration, anxiety, heaven and earth and everything wrapped around the soul. But my dear friends, you cannot manage that. You cannot. You can and will only be able to manage and communicate to the behavior associated with the job. You can only communicate I need this and then train it, coach it, measure it and let them bring their attitude to the game.
Let’s look outside the box for just a moment. Is joy or sadness measurable? My girls have such amazing joy when they see their mother. It brings me to tears to see their love in attitude. And then I ask them to clean up their toys. Whoa, look the difference in attitude. But I do not need nor am I looking at working with their attitude; I need the toys picked up – despite their joy twenty-three seconds ago. They do not want to pick up the toys. They just want to jump on mum. Seriously, my wife is a living jumping gym for my girls. I think my wife has dents. Is that possible? Again, jumping gym is not my objective; toys need to be put in order. I bet you love me already. Yeah, I am definitely the popular one in the family. I cannot focus on the attitude, despite my human side to want to say “ahhh, never mind it is OK.” I have to focus on the behavior to accomplish the task. I must say I struggle with this with my five and three-year old Three next month). My wife is not just the jumping gym; she is also the one who also gets the behavior thing. Trust me she should writing this particular post.
And your point is? Attitude is linked to a motivational choice and that is hard to communicate with. It is hard to manage. The behavior in a job, the tasks being done or not being done is where you a bit more success. It is still hard to manage – let’s be real. “Boss, I am not happy today and I don’t feel like doing that task I do every other day.” Do not go the route of saying ” I need you to be happy.” Look at the job and say “I get today is not a good day for you. I can empathize. I get it. Let’s get the job done today the best we can together. If you need a couple of breaks, I got your back.” You don’t talk like that? You feel like they get a paycheck, they should just suck it up and get it done? Here is the nugget. You cannot motivate. You cannot change an attitude – it is personal choice. The best you can do is influence or stimulate their choices by what you say and how you lead them. Are you with me or is this just not your thing?
To finish up, in my Coffee Talk with a Barista series, I mentioned you cannot try to find an Emily (Part Five), you can only train the job and look at how they respond. Now I may sound contradictory here – ready for it? Attitude does matter and has an impact on communication. Do not make that the basis for finding the “right” people. You should hire for a little bit of the attitude thing. But not for all of it. Keep your need for attitude at a bit of a distance; keep it simple. Hire for the culture, the customer, for the reality of x, y and z; not in an effort to find the perfect Emily. Keep your focus on the behavior side of retail, not the attitude.
“You are not happy enough?” “Enough compared to what exactly?” If you are managing that, please let me know how that one turns out.
Cheers…