Think of time when you just didn’t agree or maybe you didn’t understand. How did you react? What did your body language register? What did you say?
We have all been there. A manager or supervisor shares a new thing…a new nugget of awesomeness. And you react. Negatively. Insofar as you understand or comprehend how it works…for you, for the business, for anyone. Flat out, “Hey boss, I don’t get it or I don’t agree!” Now change shoes, have you ever had to deal with that reaction as a manager and leader? Boy have I had to endure that uncomfortable moment. I’m the manager communicating this new thing and one or more of the team doesn’t, well…umm, buy in. This part of the series does not deal with the quality of the thing or the manner in which the message was delivered. It explores the reaction and our response to it.
Part three is about working with two team member’s resistant response to a thing…Jenn and Colin.
Headline: They are both challenging you?
Jenn has been with you for about a year and a half. She is a very capable team member. She does her job very well and very consistently. More than adequate at sales and service and operationally speaking, she has no problem taking the lead. She is a thinker by nature. She does not just jump into new direction or tasks. She has to process information. The team will often look to her to be the barometer of buy in. If she gets it and goes for it, they will.
Colin has been with you for just under five months. He has been in the industry for many years and has worked for the competition. He is one of the older team members and set in his ways. He is a very assertive selling machine and loves challenges, contests, spiffs and competition. He is driven by his abilities to hit the target. He can be defensive in his communication style. He will do his job. It will be with a scowl and it will get done.
You share a new standard for the team. Jenn and Colin are resistant. By the way, the difference, Jenn challenges you respectfully and Colin does not. They are both challenging you, what do you address?
To challenge change of any kind is a natural response. Especially if not enough “what, why, how and to what extent” is shared. Sometimes we just don’t get it and become resistant. No harm, no foul. So as manager and leader, our goal then is to address the reaction. What does Jenn need and what does Colin need? I set you up a bit. I described them. I gave them a bit of context. Are you coaching the personality? Wait for it. Did you read part two? You don’t coach the personality, you coach the behavior. The personality plays a very important part in the way or approach to your coaching for sure. How is Jenn and Colin behaving?
Jenn is challenging you with respect for your role and position as manager. Yes, she is challenging you. It happens to be in a manner where she is resisting the immediate delivery of the message because she does not understand how it works or maybe why it’s necessary. She is not raising her voice or interrupting the conversation. She needs something. So ask her. It’s OK to tell that maybe you didn’t make it clear (maybe even an apology if it’s needed). Ask her what she needs to help her process the information. I find it beneficial to have her state her resistance in the form of a question. It may sound like this. “Boss, I don’t get it.” “Ok Jenn, I can appreciate that. Ask me a question to help you out.” “Yeah, so what is the reason behind this new direction?” She needs help with a focus. Let her tell you what she needs.
Colin…way different reaction. He resists the new standard openly, aggressively and without any respect for your authority. Stop right now. Are you the manager? Yes, shut his behavior down immediately. Make it very clear that while it is always OK to challenge, it is not OK to do it without respect for the manager or other team members. Colin needs a calm down statement and request that he re-phrases the question or comment in a much more respectful manner, period. He has the option at that point. If he dials it down, great. If he doesn’t, he gets to leave the meeting and you will mentally prepare for a very specific conversation about insubordination. It won’t be fun and should not happen in front of the team. Either he removes his behavior, or he removes himself.
I have never minded having a challenging conversation with a team. In fact, I provoke many of my conversations to explore a greater and deeper understanding of a new thing. I love the “what if” possibilities that I get to manage and lead. I also acknowledge the destiny of my leadership is dependent on my ability to manage respect. So do you coach respect? I believe respect is a result to one’s ability to coach the behaviors associated with it.
Cheers