So you are the boss? And now your best friend is someone you have to “manage”? What if they challenge your authority by doing something against the rules? What do you do? More importantly, whatever you do, who sees that?
Perhaps the biggest or more directly the most difficult thing a manager must do is to decide how to manage their friends – the ones they have a beer or two with after the store closes. If I had a dime for every time someone asked how I manage my friend; “they seem to be taking advantage of me.” Of course they are. They are seeing just how far you are willing to go to ensure the job. They will stretch you as far as they feel you will go. This does not make them bad or you ineffective, it is a natural process of sensing boundaries.
My father said when I was just getting starting in my business awareness, “You are not out to make friends. You can make friends, but that is not your objective. Get the job done. Work hard and the reward will follow.” Now he did not say that exactly word for word, I do not have that good of a memory. The emphasis or intent was the same. Is that harsh? Is that cold? No. The job is the job. You signed on for the job and are getting something in return for that job. Some call it a behavioral rental agreement. I pay you this in exchange for this. But it is my friend. Yep. They are also getting paid for a similar agreement. Fair exchange?
The first thing I would stress is to lay down the ground rules. Let them know what is and is not acceptable. This is the boundary discussion. “I pay you this for this, and if you do not do this, I will let you know regardless of our relationship.” Let’s be real, in theory this makes perfect sense. In practice, they will be “kicking back with you later.” See the issue? Be very clear that when you are on the clock, this must happen and this is who is in charge. Someone had to be the boss and someone felt it should be you (for good reason, unless you were the one least likely to steal). Be firm. Be the leader. Be the one who is open about what and who plays.
Another consideration is what is fair and equitable. If you let your pal off for being five minutes late, who sees that? What happens to your integrity? I may not be your pal, but I expect you to manage everyone to the same set of expectations. Especially if I know you are pals with Mary or Todd.
Again let’s be real. Friends are hard to manage. They have an interest in a relationship with you. You play poker on Fridays. They are the god father or mother to your second child. They drive you to work on the days you have the same shift. If that is the case, that is your reality in having to have a non-compliance discussion. It sucks. Buy everyone is watching you at that exact moment. What are you willing and able to do to ensure everyone is on the same playing field? Are you willing to let your friend go if they are non-compliant or abusive to your authority? How about this one; will they be willing to pay your salary if you get fired for their non-compliance? Humm, yeah, no.
The bottom line is setting boundaries and then living them. I like a bunch of people I work with. I still have a job to do and if they do not like the way I get it done, OK. Recently, I was chatting with a friend, “she married you not your family.” Intellectually, it makes sense, but the emotions of the relationship still get in the way. Just like in business, that is definitely a reality. I care about how it appears or sounds when I have to manage Todd. Are you interested in the business or the friendship? You have to decide this.
What if you have to manage your friend? Are you on the clock?