So it has been a while. I was taken back a bit this year in May. I was diagnosed with cancer and, well, I took some time to deal with something rather big. Rather than go into the details, allow me to share that it took me back a few steps and my outlook was forced to change…abruptly. Fast forward. Now I am in recovery and it has been months since my treatment and I look forward to a road without being told I am cancer-free…not yet. Does this affect my outlook? Yes.
You have been entrusted with a business and a team of people to drive it and then what if something comes up. Out of nowhere you get punched personally “in the stomach”. How do you react? Does it affect the job? Umm…yeah, ya think. What about your team. Will they notice? Now let’s be real. Think about scale. There are degrees of hiccups. There are the moments when you get an unexpected bill or a family member calls you a name in front of your new date. There are moments when someone hit your car in a parking lot (without a note) or a relationship issue. Then there are significant moments when you are shaken at your core like a death (of anyone or anything) or being told “you have cancer”. What now? You will internalize it and shared with family and friends, emotionally realize it on so many levels and then try to eat, sleep and rationalize your life. And you will get the ubiquitous “stay positive” from someone with absolutely great intentions. Then what? It is the morning of the next day. You are scheduled to show up the next day and drive the efforts of your team to meet the goals and objectives of the organization. How hard does positive seem at that moment?
All I can do is share what I thought and what I tried so very hard to do in that situation. Only three things immediately come to mind. One, you cannot opt out. You cannot out of inconvenience or even disbelief say “no, I choose not to deal with this.” You must find a place where you accept what has been given you and just breathe. Two, time has not stopped and the needs of others are still there. As selfish a moment as this is (or was in my case), someone else is depending on you to do something. And three, it is and will always be your choice to do or not do or whatever. You get to decide just how much or how little you need or want to feel or think or give or care or love or manage or lead. Your call. I chose to take what was given and think about how this might impact those around me. I chose to take the time I needed to figure what I could and plan the immediate future. I chose to rise above and stay positive.
Another reality check, you are not me and I am not you. So what about a selection of things to consider as best you can in staying positive? Perhaps the most important aspect to consider comes from neuroscience. Simply put, stress and anxiety kill brain cells while thinking positive stimulates growth. Positive thinking allows for a higher degree of creativity and critical thinking. Face it, this type of situation in life requires this kind of thought. The more the positive the thoughts, the more you are open to engagement to all types of things from people to skills to ideas and possibilities. So how to encourage this…
Schedule it. As odd as it seems, plan your positivity. For example, in the morning, do “x”.
Express the good and great in every day. And when it happens, recognize it. Share it with others.
Amplify emotions like joy, gratitude, celebration, compassion and love (for self, others and life).
Like exercise, the positive muscles need to be nurtured and nourished. Don’t just expect to be positive without some work each and every day.
While I am not able to be classified as cancer-free, I am surviving cancer. Even though, I cannot control cancer, there is joy I knowing it does not control me. It cannot control how I respond to my situation (unless I let it). Staying positive does not just impact me, it impacts all of those around me. So as manager and leader, when facing a life changing scenario, or even that unfortunate name-calling incident at Uncle Toms, you get to choose. Be real and be positive. They can coexist. Cancer sucks and it is a great day. Yep.